


beneath the moon, and under the sun

by catastrophes



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: 25 lives AU, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, TRUST ME but cry with me first, emphasis that no one really stays dead, you gotta die to be reincarnated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-19 16:24:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16538078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catastrophes/pseuds/catastrophes
Summary: "It's only fair that I should be the one to chase you across ten, twenty-five, a hundred lifetimes,until I find the one where you return to me.”(in which, daniel doesn’t remember and it’s a long road home for seongwu)





	beneath the moon, and under the sun

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by the beautiful [25 lives artwork by tongari](http://www.shousetsubangbang.com/mirror/25-lives/) (please check it out if you're unfamiliar), and by prompt [#25](https://i.imgur.com/M2zz8I5.png).
> 
> warnings: mild descriptions of murder and gun violence. one explicit scene regarding sexual content. character death.  
> daniel is referred to as euigeon for the first two lives.
> 
> [ ♪ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqkTOTecgPI&feature=youtu.be) \- 12번째 별 (12th star) ; wanna one  
> [ ♪ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NNwVls8MGg) \- 바보야 (only you) ; huh gak  
> [ ♪ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jzMDsYHktI) \- 너 없는 시간들 (days without you) ; davichi

 

 

 

 

“Your Highness—” 

“How many times have I told you to not bother with titles when we’re alone?”

“My apologies, _Seongwu_ ,” comes the lilting answer.

Seongwu stares deeply at the man before him, attempting to imprint the face into his memories. He absentmindedly traces the scarred lacerations littered over bare arms, the battle wounds that have been marked _because_ of him.

They are beautiful in his eyes since—

_He_ is beautiful. 

Leaning his head back, Seongwu breathes out, “ _Euigeon.”_ Shoulders resting against the ornate headboard, Seongwu allows the man to kiss along his chest, along the unmarred expanse, a vast contrast to the raised ribbons of skin that he had just caressed.

Euigeon’s adoration of Seongwu is slow and reverent. 

A rose blooms. 

Dark and heavy lidded eyes clash with his when Seongwu lifts Euigeon’s chin up with one finger—this is _his_ lover, _his_ swordsman.

Seongwu gifts a smile, but it’s lined with insurmountable sadness and reluctance towards the inevitable. Euigeon has been ordered by the King to serve and guard a distant clan for the foreseeable future and orders were for him to ride out tomorrow. 

Perhaps also a blessing in disguise because in a few short days, Seongwu, the waiting crown prince, is to be wed to the princess who has been specifically groomed for him. She is docile, influential and _female_ , in ways that Euigeon can not fulfil in the eyes of their conservative society. 

In the corner of his eye, red and blue silk flash in his vision. 

It reminds Seongwu, that he is in love with a man he cannot have.

Seongwu reaches out to sweep the dampened bangs from Euigeon’s forehead, before sliding his hand down to caress the line of his jaw. The comforting action causes Euigeon to turn his face, to mouth at Seongwu’s palm, in a loving nuzzle. 

The gesture is fond and familiar and in that one moment, Seongwu is transported back to the innocent time when they had grown up together as children within the restrictions of the encasing palace walls. 

The days before becoming merely prince and protector, when they had run around hand in hand over dewy grass, without a care for their separate inherited stature and duties. It is those very same bindings that now stand as the burdening distance between them.

Seongwu knows. 

He knows deep within him that all it would take is one word, and Euigeon would run to the ends of the earth with him—that if he requests for Euigeon to gift him the sky, the other man would move heaven and hell just for him without reservations.

However, this is what causes Seongwu to be spineless.

The throne is within his reach and he _worries_. 

There is a looming knowledge of what would befall them if Seongwu were to escape the palace boundaries with Euigeon. The political landscape is currently in its most vulnerable state and Seongwu has been informed time and again that his place as crown prince and future _king_ , will change the nation’s future for the better. 

And thus, Seongwu fears far too much to leave. 

He wishes he was a braver person, rather than this shell of a man filled with cowardice over potential consequences.

But no matter what is ahead of them, they _will_ have tonight.

Seongwu ignores the turmoil in his stomach and moves to lavish only his abject affection on the man before him, tangling them in countless more kisses—this time full of longing and need. His lungs burn in the best possible way as he gasps for air within the storm. 

 

 

 

“Look outside.” 

Seongwu’s eyelids flutter open to gaze out the window in response to Euigeon’s request. The circular frame embedded into the wall showcases a beautiful picture of the clear night sky, and the pale moon that hangs overhead casts a soft glow over the opulence of the room. 

He is satiated and entirely comfortable, held firmly in Euigeon’s arms. His back is plastered to chest, as he listens to the following gentle words.

“Before she passed, my mother reminded me that the moon is the same whether we are in different places.” Euigeon’s mouth is hot against the skin of Seongwu’s nape. “I hope that even when we are separated, that whenever you look at it, you’ll think of me always.” 

As hopeful the words are, Seongwu’s insides still plummet, as has been happening whenever the future is brought back up. 

If he could stop time and find home in this particular moment forever, he would—but the dice has already been cast and Seongwu feels utterly powerless to stop it. 

“We _will_ meet when you return to the kingdom.” Seongwu shifts around to kiss Euigeon, a hard matching of lips in a desperate wish for the other male to know the full extent of his heart. “I’ll make sure we’ll see each other again, _Niel-ah_.” 

Seongwu allows the endearment to roll off his tongue, using the secret nickname created when they were young and infinitely more foolish. It reminds him that tonight, he isn’t the crown prince Ong Seongwu, but rather just a simple man who does not have farewell in his vocabulary—

However it is clearly not enough to hide the blatant fact that Seongwu will allow his soulmate to slip through his fingers tomorrow. 

“Is that your promise to me?” Euigeon prompts softly. He shifts to embrace Seongwu even closer to his chest, so tight, as if he doesn’t ever want to let go. “I highly doubt that the crown princess will be satisfied with only half your heart.” 

Seongwu feels fingers tightening into his flesh, the only hint.

“You know, I won’t care for her and I never will because _you,_ Kang Euigeon _,_ you will always have my full heart,” Seongwu assures emphatically, as if to convince both of them. He sees the other nod but Euigeon’s eyes remain sorrowful, betraying his innermost emotion. 

Euigeon reaches up to touch Seongwu’s cheek, to lightly trace a line along the triangular constellation of moles that paints it. “But you realize it’ll never be the same the minute dawn breaks tomorrow.”

“I—“ Seongwu doesn’t quite know how to reply because it is indeed harsh truth to Euigeon’s words. They both have far too much self respect for themselves, and for the crown princess in waiting to continue acting in the same manner as they have. 

In times like this, Seongwu wishes he had no morals. 

But regardless, the sand grains continue to fall, fall, fall beyond his reach. 

“Do you think this will be the end for us?” Euigeon seems collected but after years together, Seongwu knows better. He can hear the hints of pleading, and the thumping of both their heartbeats, as one, is as loud as the oceans crashing against the shore miles away.

The same shore the pair of them had escaped to just days ago. 

The taste of the short-lived freedom they had experienced, now acrid and all but withering away.

“No, because no matter what happens, this is _not_ a goodbye,” Seongwu vows, as if it’ll become come true despite every single thing against them. “I will always want you by my side even if we can’t have _this_.” His beseeching words, a promise he hopes to fulfil. 

_It’s never a goodbye._

_Not for forever and a day._

 

 

 

 

Following Euigeon’s departure, two autumns pass in a blink of an eye. 

One evening, Seongwu finds he is left to wile away his time in his bed chamber. It’s always surprising whenever he has time to himself, rather than be surrounded by the officials who constantly insist on filling his schedule with occupying tasks, ever since he was wed. 

It is either that, or he is with his Queen. 

However, she has been called away to her sickly father’s side in order to tend to him, to which Seongwu is supposed to join tomorrow.

Today, Seongwu sits in silence at his desk. He’s unsure why he was suddenly overcome with the desire to do so, but he indulges himself by practicing his calligraphy, transcribing his favorite piece of literature onto the scroll laid before him.

It is the very same poem, a favorite of his that he once recited to a certain someone which has long since engraved itself like a seal within him;    

> _“Once I fought hard to not come to you,  
>  _ _I roamed countless roads,  
>  _ _but eventually it always leads back in your direction._
> 
> _The whole purpose of my life,  
>  __is a series of winding shortcuts  
>  __whose sole purpose is to get to you,  
>  __my only destination.”_  

Seongwu repeats the lines like a mantra under his breath. He’s just uncertain to why his hand trembles as he dips his brush into ink. 

But he receives the answer when his most trusted advisor bursts into the room, not even bothering to knock, signifying the importance. A lump, the size of a peach pit lodges directly in Seongwu’s throat when he spies the crumpled letter clutched in Minhyun’s hand. 

His face is already damp. 

“No,” Seongwu bursts out. He can barely decipher the corresponding symbols to know that Euigeon has left this life. The deepest cavern opens up, and the ache leftover from their last kiss intensifies with the knowledge that he will never see his beloved again. “Tell me it’s not true.”

His heart thumps furiously like before, but this time on it’s own. 

A swift intake of breath is hurriedly followed by a shaky exhale in front of him. “I can’t tell you that, Seongwu-yah,” Minhyun whispers gently, stroking his back—breaking all protocol because he senses that Seongwu needs comfort now rather than being held at arm’s length. 

It feels like a shard of glass has stabbed into Seongwu’s chest, and hot tears track rapidly down his cheeks. _By God, it hurts, so, so much._

_How can it hurt this much?_

Seongwu is unable to prevent himself from doubling over, nor his hands fisting on the table. He is uncaring of the way the wetness falling from his eyes melds with the ink on the page, blurring all the words into one singularity. 

He’d been coveting Euigeon’s return ever since he ascended the throne several months ago. However, certain whispers had filtered back to him—the ones that had been tainted with malicious intent about their relationship and Seongwu couldn’t bring himself to send the order. 

And he didn’t think he could bare to look at Euigeon in person and still keep his position.

The simple conclusion is, Seongwu has chosen the nation and himself, over Euigeon. 

With that admittance, regret and bitterness floods him. There is no warmth left within Seongwu any longer, with the faint thread of hope that at least had persisted over the months, extinguishing like the flame beside him being snuffed out, plunging him into absolute darkness. 

The only remnants that linger, is blood left on his hands. 

Euigeon's blood.

If he closes his eyes and blocks everything else out, Seongwu can visualize Euigeon’s full lips, raised cheeks and that gorgeous, _radiant_ smile as he stares up at his best friend, his lover, his everything—limbs intertwined, lying within their secluded grassy knoll, away from prying eyes.

_Will he ever have that again?_

A crack of thunder jolts Seongwu back to the present, back to the empty grandeur of his chamber now that Minhyun has left him alone to his own grief, forcing him to realize that this is all that remains of his fate now. 

What use is power, if he’s left completely desolate and alone? 

“I’m am so very sorry.” Seongwu’s tears are still falling in earnest as he rushes to the window, lifting his chin up towards the sky, to see the pouring wetness as if the sky cries along with him. He begs, “I will do _anything_ , please just let me see him at least one more time.”

Seongwu would not call himself an overly religious man, but today, tonight as lightning strikes once within the dark clouds looming overhead, he prays to every single god out there. He reiterates the lines of the poem over, and over, and over again—

“I _refuse_ for this to be our end. Until you return to my side, I promise to look for you in each and every one of our future lifetimes, Niel-ah.”

Because, tomorrow is all but just a new beginning for them. 

_For in Death, they will not part._

 

 

☽

 

 

 

Seongwu plucks the strings of his gayageum with steady, slender fingers. 

In this lifetime, he is no longer the King of the dynasty. 

In fact, perhaps in continued punishment for his previous actions, Seongwu has been reduced to the furthest extreme— _cheonmin_ , the lowest status of this society—living his life as a kisaeng who simply walks in the shadows silently until requested. 

Seongwu however, is thankful to himself. Thankful that he is strong-willed and had learned how to use his charming silver tongue well, because he is now classed as part of the _haengsu,_ one who is able to sing and partake in dance for an increased number of higher ranking officials. 

For the more encounters he has, the closer he becomes to the one man whom he searches for. 

And it is today that Seongwu waits patiently again, head bowed towards his instrument as he continues to elicit the dulcet notes which fill the room. The steady sounds of the buk drum in the background also reverberates through him, heightening his anticipation. 

The name he had been given earlier was a rare one he hadn’t heard for a long time and it made the hope he thought he’d lost unfurl on itself.

For good reason because—

A shadowy figure soon appears behind the screen door lined with rice paper.

Seongwu’s fingers still sharply when the man steps through the threshold to reveal his face and— _oh—thank god—_

He merely allows the ends of his plum-stained lips to curve upwards into a serene smile, lest to betray his deepest emotions. 

“Good evening, Master Kang. It is in my utmost pleasure to be in your service until you deem me unworthy of you.” Seongwu has learnt that it is of no use to force recognition, as all it leads to is far-flung accusations and insanity. 

He will accept what he can have.

Seongwu’s eyes meet dark pools of brown, ones that rove over his face. However, it is in sorrow that he learns later it is only in appreciation of his chiseled cheekbones—vastly different and more intriguing than the delicate kisaengs whom are regarded as more commonplace.

“Something tells me I won’t ever be bored with you by my side.” The back of a strong hand skims down the length of his face towards his jaw and Seongwu reflexively leans into the touch. The sense of nostalgia is immense, and devastating. “Not soon, anyway.”

Later that evening, Seongwu helps Master Kang shed his ornamental robes, and the only melodious noises that remain are the ones of satisfaction dripping from plush lips. He swallows each with kiss after kiss, the ones that he’s so thoroughly missed, revelling in the sensation. 

Although they are slightly unfamiliar—less tenderness, more impatience—the faint taste of peaches and rice wine stays utterly the same.

 

 

 

As the sun continues to rise and fall each and every day in this life, Seongwu woefully comes to the same biting conclusion that Euigeon doesn’t recognize him no matter what he does or say. It makes sense though—this is a new life after all. They are both completely different people. 

Except, Seongwu remembers. 

He remembers how Euigeon used to be his summer, even if he is always born a child of winter. And even in this timeline, he is still summer again—

Blazing, golden, beautiful. 

But so very hard to look at. 

Because Seongwu needs to continue to pretend that he isn’t so affected. Pretend that his heart doesn’t race a million miles an hour whenever he looks at Euigeon, merely endeavouring to keep him mesmerized and captivated with his words of poetry, songs and fluid dance steps that always ends with an entanglement of bodies together. 

Because Seongwu will never let Euigeon go again.

 

 

 

But, it’s a shame this world doesn’t seem to share the same intentions, and unfortunately, it begins to burn against Seongwu’s fervent pleas. 

There are whispers again, this time bred from jealousy and spite, over how someone like him could entertain Master Kang for so long. 

One night, Seongwu learns he can make Euigeon come undone beneath him as he’s done time and time again in the past, complete with glazed eyes and that loveliest expression that is almost akin to something that could almost be passable for affection in this life. 

However, on another night, twin daggers are held against both their throats and their seemingly content lives are ripped viciously and prematurely from them in one swift move, leaving only their bodies to lie in pools of red, side by side. 

 

 

 

☽

 

 

 

Waking up, Seongwu gasps, barely able to remember anything other than the white hot fire residing in his veins and the sharp prickling that covers his entire body. He attempts to shift a limb, any of the four but none of them respond the way he wants it to. 

Feeling the trickle of blood from his lips, Seongwu coughs weakly, knowing he is helpless, currently lying on the sandy beach with only the whipping winds around him to create goosebumps on his salt-crusted skin.

But most of all, he feels pain from the shredding from shrapnel that lines his rib cage and the leftover metal that he knows is currently embedded, hot, inside the cavity of his chest. The weight sits atop him, like an anchor dragging him down to hell. 

Seongwu is soon overcome with fear and panic when he recalls that his weapon had washed away in his haste of climbing out of the sinking boat to plunge deep into the sea. His vision now quickly greys, clouding over as the resonance buzzes louder and louder in his ears.

In the haze, Seongwu slowly sees gold glinting in the distance—the sun? No, not quite. He squints to make out a stranger with hair the color of wheat hurrying over to him. In the recent months, all he’s known is dirt and the blackness of violence and death so it’s a welcomed sight. 

It feels he hasn’t witnessed such a radiance for years and so, the image in front of him soothes; like serenity washing over him. Although the pain is still attempting to push him over the edge, the fog begins to dissipate as he feels the firm pressure against the wound on his side.

Seongwu's eyes trace over the features of the man's face. It is all but a small comfort when he recognition begins to flicker through him.

Despite the drone of a plane overhead sounding like a death knell, time stops as their eyes lock. 

It startles him, the way the man’s irises glow like embers—the scattered infernos in the distance reflecting back at him and in the span of milliseconds, Seongwu is told of their future, written in the stars—the way that the unstoppable hands of fate will tear them apart again.

He doesn’t understand anything the other man is saying to him, the words are a jumble of noise and a different language but he zones in on the word ‘—Niel.’ _Yes, it’s definitely him_. Seongwu’s mouth is dry and feels like he’s just swallowed a pack of nails when he attempts to sound it out. 

The name tastes both foreign and familiar at the same time on his tongue. He tries once more, but all that he can sputter out instead, is blood.

Seongwu should have been stronger, should have been more careful, and should have been more patient, and perhaps they could have had longer.

But because Seongwu still hasn’t learned how to be such a man, he falls back into delirium and doesn’t wake up again in this lifetime. 

They've met too late. 

 

 

☽

 

 

 

The door bell of the record cafe chimes again causing Seongwu to look up in eagerness. 

When it’s not the person he’s looking for, Seongwu sighs despondently. He returns to his leather bound journal, to finish the poem he’d been writing before becoming distracted. A bouquet of flowers sits on the table, next to his arm. 

Seongwu has struck it lucky in this timeline. 

Or so he believes anyway.

He actually physically knows, and has Euigeon, or should he say, _Daniel_ as a friend. They met through school, and are best friends despite not being the same age nor share in the same classes. It was just natural they gravitated towards each other—a pull that he can never ignore. 

They are eighteen, about to graduate high school. 

From an outsider’s perspective, they are the inseparable duo of the neighborhood—banded thick like thieves. They usually aren’t seen without each other, never apart for too long a period—studying, dancing, and eating together, all hours of the day. 

This lifetime feels perfect to Seongwu.

But— 

From experience, he knows that perfection never quite lasts because he’s lived through the several times where not before long, something or someone interferes with it. He’s already come close toregretting making the outrageous deal with the gods above, unsure what he’s doing wrong.

However, one has to keep trying until he can get it correct then, right?

And that’s why Seongwu is so nervous today. 

He’s planning to do it. Confess his feelings to Daniel.

He’d slipped Daniel a note earlier, requesting the latter to meet him here at this cafe. But as the minutes tick past, and listening to song after song that gets played, Seongwu wonders if Daniel had even received the message after all.

Seongwu keeps staring at the door, fingers agitatedly playing with his matchsticks. Daniel has been on his case to quit smoking, which he swears he’s abiding by, but he can’t quite quit the habit of fiddling with any object, the withdrawals from nicotine making his restlessness worse. 

Frustrated, he decides that he’ll stay for one more song and that’s it. 

Moving over to walk over to the DJ booth, Seongwu slides over his song request. Before long, one of his favorites play. It’s one of Daniel’s favourites too. It’s kind of slow, kind of sad, but there’s a little hint of wistfulness and somehow, it always makes Seongwu feel better. 

Seongwu heads over to the corner where the tables gives way to a small clearing where there are several other couples dancing with each other. Seongwu doesn’t care but just begins swaying to the beat on his own. 

He’s always liked dancing and music, in every single life and this one is no different. In fact, he has it to thank for, for allowing him to meet Daniel. 

Seongwu soaks in every second of the nostalgic song, and the way that he can always feel infinitely relaxed whenever he loses himself in the moment, despite still feeling like his insides are twisting in anxiousness.

“Seongwu hyung?” 

Seongwu’s eyelids snap open to see Daniel standing right there before him, with a sheepish expression on his face. His hair is messy, like he’s just run his hands through it, and his tie of his school uniform is askew as it is usually, because Daniel doesn’t like the restrictive feeling.

He also looks like Seongwu’s entire world.

“Daniel, oh— you came,” Seongwu stammers. He feels uncharacteristically shy.

It’s strange, the way that he knows _everything_ about Daniel, has seen the other in the most compromising, most embarrassing situations, but for some reason, Daniel can always still cause his heart to flutter, all the damn time.

“Sorry I’m late,” Daniel utters breathlessly, with a flush on his cheeks as if he’s just run all the way over. Daniel tugs at Seongwu’s arm to lead him back over to the table, the one he knows is Seongwu’s because of the familiar cassette player that sits there—the one that Daniel had given to Seongwu in the first place. “Actually I have something to tell you too! You wouldn’t believe what just happened.” 

Daniel’s voice is too bright, too cheery. There’s more to the rosiness on his face than should be allowed for, in the excuse of just plain exertion.

Seongwu stares before he regains his voice. “Ah, you go first then.” 

If it’s possible for the blush to intensify, it does, right in front of Seongwu’s eyes. “I just—wanted you to know that Minhyun-hyung asked me out,” Daniel blurts, in a rush, and Seongwu immediately feels like he’s been run over by a truck.

Though, strangely despite the circumstances, Seongwu is unable to stop himself from savouring the way that Daniel looks so content. Even if Seongwu wasn’t the one to put the smile on his face. But the longer he absorbs the expression before him, the more his insides turn acidic. 

Seongwu’s facade however doesn’t falter. Well, he doesn’t allow it to, but he can still feel his heart shattering into tiny little pieces. Time and time again, no matter how much he tries to prepare himself for heartbreak, it’s still agonizing. 

His own confession sits on the tip of his tongue, but Seongwu can’t bring himself to vocalize it. Instead he just says, “I’m…really glad, Niel-ie.” He toys once more with the matchsticks again before lifting his gaze up to see Daniel staring back at him with a guarded expression.

Daniel’s mouth opens, closes. He nervously pulls at his shirt collar, as if fretful about having a made a mistake somewhere—and almost looks _wistful_ about something when he finally asks, “Are—are you sure? Because you don’t sound like it.” 

Seongwu isn’t certain how to proceed from here. He wants to yell that Daniel’s right. Right in that he’s not on board with the idea of Minhyun and Daniel and will never be, because the only person that should be with Daniel is _himself_. 

But he’s been selfish enough during previous lifetimes. 

Seongwu makes a strangled noise and reaches over to take Daniel’s hand in his. It’s warm and large and it makes Seongwu always feel like he’s returned home whenever their palms fit together, life and love lines matching up. Like the stars were somehow aligned just for them—

Except, biting down with the taste of copper in his mouth, Seongwu learns that Daniel isn’t his to have here, not in the way he wants anyway.

“Of course I’m sure! You’ve wanted to date him for so long, and we’ve both almost given up hope that Minhyun would notice you but see, how could he not? You’re amazing.” Seongwu endeavours to keep the forced smile pasted on his face. “I’m happy for you, swear on my life.”

And well, It’s the honest truth. 

Seongwu and Daniel are best friends—they’ll be best friends first and foremost, and no matter what, he’s not going to give up the nature of their relationship, even if it means surrendering his _own_ happiness. 

Because Seongwu is happy for Daniel, will always be happy for Daniel, and he’ll do whatever he can in his power to make Daniel happy.

_I will always love you._

_And everything will be alright, as long as I have you by my side._

 

 

 

☽

 

 

 

The ever-similar metallic taste spreads over Seongwu’s mouth as he bites down on the tip of his tongue. 

Seongwu brings his pistol to level up at his target’s chest. There is a mirroring of positions from where Daniel is holding his own gun up at him and it _wrecks_ him.

He hates these lifetimes. 

They are the ones where Daniel looks at him with nothing but ice in his gaze and says nothing but indifferent words. However, at the same time, he still treasures them immensely because at the very least, Seongwu gets to meet Daniel in the flesh, face to face.

“Do you really have to do this?” Seongwu asks, the words betraying a wavering vulnerability.

A brow furrows, before a cold laugh—colder than Seongwu has ever heard come from Daniel’s lips. “Sorry, darling. You’re merely a job.”

The words pierce deep into Seongwu.

From his position he can barely make out the details of Daniel’s eyes in the darkness, but Seongwu knows that they aren’t just black, and there’s a very thin circle of a gilded brown surrounding the outer rim. 

He also knows how warm and honest they can be, in another universe, another life, rather than the soulless ones that stare at him right now. 

Seongwu thinks back to how they would crinkle into upside down crescents whenever he made Daniel laugh, especially in response to the way Seongwu used to like taking advantage of Daniel’s ticklish nature—pressing butterfly kisses against the mole on Daniel’s upper thigh, the scar on his abdomen, and directly on the other mole at the corner of his eye. 

That was a long time ago however, and Seongwu wonders if Daniel remembers it at all. 

There is a small imperceptible shake from where Seongwu feels his own finger trembling over the trigger. He hesitates as the memories of their previous lives flash past, overwhelming him but it’s too bad that Daniel doesn’t waver, because Daniel _—_ he doesn’t remember _anything_. 

The bullet flies to embed itself through skin and through bone, and although Seongwu’s been shot before, nothing can compare to the tremendous pain he feels in this very minute. Before he can even blink, another bullet flies, penetrating his heart and the pain ceases. 

There is only red left to color the surroundings as Seongwu falls to the ground in a crumpled heap. 

 

 

 

( Daniel stares at the dead man laid bare before him, where even in death, he is still graceful, sprawled on the lush carpet. 

He can’t help but question why he felt the need to end this stranger’s suffering with the second shot. Rubbing along his sternum and the corner of his chest with his knuckles, Daniel turns away from the scene in order to disappear into the night to complete the rest of his orders. 

But for the rest of this time line, he will always be haunted by the man that once looked at him with both stars on his face and stars in his eyes. )

 

 

 

☽

 

 

 

Seongwu is late. 

He runs towards the subway station, leaping down the steps two at a time. There’s a piece of buttered toast sitting in his mouth that he bought from the street stall and his hands are full of the assignment he hastily typed out and printed just minutes ago at the computer lab nearby. 

It would just get crushed in the mess that is his messenger bag.

He keeps telling himself that he’ll grow out of his habit of procrastination but to this day in the last semester of college, it continues to befall him.

Seongwu juggles the sheets of paper into his hand in order to pull out his T-money card from the pocket of his jeans to allow him access through the gates. He brushes past the streams of people hovering in the terminal, breathing a sigh of relief knowing that he hasn’t missed the train. 

Annoyingly, there has been more maintenance work being done in the past fortnight causing there to be less scheduled trains per hour. And less trains and more people at peak hours just equals hell in Seongwu’s eyes.

He also can’t afford to miss the deadline for the hand in of this paper because Seongwu has already asked for an extension before and this professor was a stickler for rules, liking to collect the work at the beginning of the lecture. 

Seongwu hums as he finishes eating his breakfast, sweeping the toast crumbs off the corners of his mouth as he waits impatiently for the train to turn up. Pulling out his phone, his thumbs fly over the screen, quickly typing a message:

 

**Ong Seongwu**

minhyun, my train is delayed again  
can u distract prof kim when he turns up 

**Hwang Minhyun**

“delayed train”  
you mean you stayed up late and overslept  
as usual

**Ong Seongwu**  

dang, coldhearted :(  
but pls  
you talk a lot  
ask him all those great questions like u normally do

**Hwang Minhyun**

that strangely sounds like a backhanded compliment…  
you’ll owe me!

**Ong Seongwu**

just speaking the truth~  
and ofc i’ll buy you your fave galbijjim today!!!

 

Seongwu smiles as he walks onto the train, allowing himself to be herded along with the rest of the office workers and students starting their day. He squeezes past the satchels and backpacks to find himself some space in the corner against the other train door. 

Leaning back, he tucks his phone away. 

It is only then where Seongwu notices him. 

The man is taller than most of the surrounding crowd, blonde again in this life—the light coloured hair a bright beacon in the dim fluorescent lighting of the underground. He is still standing on the station platform, not able to come aboard this packed train. 

His friends circle around him and his eyes are curved into crescent moons as he laughs loudly, contagiously. 

Despite the cacophony of noises, it is the only thing that Seongwu can hear. The sound echoes through Seongwu’s body and the breath that he was holding deep within him comes out in a long exhale, an automatic mechanism. 

_Finally_. 

Seongwu was beginning to think he wouldn’t see Daniel in this life.

He moves to leave the carriage, not even contemplating about what he was going to say in introduction. Seongwu only has one motivation in mind. 

Unfortunately, he struggles to push past the occupants of the packed cab and the jingling noise of the overhead speaker to stand clear of the doors interrupts his progress. The door almost closes on his nose, trapping him, just a few lengths away from his other half. 

Seongwu mutters his apologies to the annoyed passengers who pass him judgemental looks and he just stares helplessly at the grey blur of the outside world as the train begins the journey into the tunnel, leaving behind a missed opportunity. 

He soothes himself by thinking, _there will be another chance_.

Seongwu manages to hand in his assignment on time thanks to his friend’s expert distraction ways and also ends up acing the paper after he sits the final exam. But as the days turn into weeks and into months, soon Seongwu turns down an overseas internship in order to stay in Seoul. 

“Why?” They badger him, and he never knows how to reply. 

Because how does one tell their friends and family that they’re constantly searching for the missing part of them over and over again at Hapjeong Station? How does one explain, that week after week, he takes the train at random times during the day after that initial chance moment on a Tuesday, in order to have even the slightest possibility of catching a glimpse of that blonde hair once more without sounding entirely preposterous?

Because that’s exactly why.

However, Seongwu doesn’t meet Daniel again. Not even after he lands an incredible job at a design firm of his choice, settles down with a partner who he comes to love but will never be quite fully _in love_ with, and has a beautiful family of his own. 

The ache within him never quite leaves him, and Seongwu wonders why fate would be so cruel.

 

 

 

☽

 

 

 

Surprisingly, everything is easy again in this life. 

A picture of languid domesticity. 

Daniel knows every single thing about Seongwu—all the little things, like his favorite food, how he can get petty easily, or how he doesn’t like the cold, and so whenever the temperature of their studio apartment drops below fifteen, Daniel will immediately turn the thermostat up. 

Not that Seongwu can really complain about the days where Daniel admits he is far too lazy to get out of bed to do so though, because it just means snuggling closely with Daniel, as he wraps Seongwu up in his arms to share his body heat, teasing apologies spilling forth. 

Every day without fail, Daniel showers all his attention on him, and Seongwu basks in the way that Daniel adores him with both words and actions. They’ve been living together for several years, and they’ve fallen into a routine that Seongwu luxuriates in. 

In present time, Seongwu wakes up to blinding sunlight. He stretches out the length of his spine and lets out a long yawn. 

Normally he’s the earlier riser, which allows him the opportunity to take in Daniel’s snoozing face—one of his favorite parts of the day because it’s utterly peaceful and it always relaxes Seongwu to know that Daniel is safe. However today, Daniel is nowhere to be found in bed. 

Seongwu stares confusedly at the empty spot for a moment before a loud snuffling sound on the other side of the room gives him his answer. Seongwu quickly smiles and jumps down from the bed to pad over to the couch where Daniel is curled up, xbox controller still in hand. 

Perching on the arm rest, Seongwu just looks at his boy—looks at the way his clavicle juts out prettily from where the neckline of his sweatshirt falls off his shoulder, the long lashes that rests against his skin and his pink lips. Daniel is lovely, in every single lifetime. 

He burrows his face into the dip of Daniel’s neck and rests on his wide chest. Relishing in the rhythmic way that it rises up and down with every breath Daniel takes, Seongwu then feels the ensuing rumble when Daniel peels open his eyes to murmur, “Ongie~” in a singsong voice. 

Seongwu wants to scold Daniel for staying up late to play video games, for not taking care of his health the way he should, and for how he’s currently dragging Seongwu’s face in his hands to pull it closer to his own, cooing over how pretty Seongwu is.

But— 

All that he can let out in reply is a long whiny meow instead. 

It’s _cruel._

This has got to be the universe’s way of fucking with him, outrightly laughing at his misery.

Because really, it's downright torture that in this lifetime where Seongwu loves Daniel, and Daniel finally loves Seongwu back, Seongwu is trapped inside a cat’s body. He is forced to play the game, forced to live out this frustrating timeline until he can move on to the next. 

Merely he is only allowed to love Daniel with all of his heart and just accept that he’s still Daniel’s, even if it’s not quite in the form that he wants.

 

 

 

☽

 

 

 

Seongwu has always loved photography. 

He’s also always loved Daniel, and in this lifetime, it's fortunate he’s been able to combine the two. But, why does it still not feel quite enough? 

He stares into the viewfinder, allowing Daniel to materialise right before his eyes. The coloured lights fades into the background. Immediately, he's soothed because no matter what, whenever his sees his favorite person—even if he’s had the worst day, Seongwu feels comforted. 

Kang Daniel, twenty two.

Popular male soloist who appeared suddenly in the music industry a year ago, like a comet crashing down to earth. Seongwu had been stunned for all of two seconds when he had clicked on the article link online proclaiming the familiar name, before he’d laughed softly. 

Of course, Daniel—a metaphorical star, how apt. 

Seongwu had immediately created a twitter account “@ForDaniel”, making the decision to become a fansite master in his spare time, so as to follow Daniel during his official activities. It’s easy to work it around his job at the studio, and living in Seoul, it’s not hard to access tickets for events. 

Although it pains him not to see Daniel at every waking moment, Seongwu knows where to draw the line, making sure not to intrude on Daniel’s private or personal space, only ever watching Daniel as part of a sea of people—people who obviously love him as well. 

Sometimes, he entertains himself with the idea that maybe one day, like in a cliche romantic movie, Daniel might lock eyes with him, suddenly fall in love, and bring him backstage—all of the cheesiness, but Daniel never recognizes him, as is the case like in every life previously.

So, Seongwu just made do and carried on with what he did best. 

He quickly gained rising popularity himself in the fan community, nicknamed one of Daniel’s biggest fans due to his beautiful pictures, many complimenting him and wondering how he always manages to capture the true essence of Daniel.

A collection of memories. 

A way to showcase how much Ong Seongwu treasures Kang Daniel. 

And standing here today, Seongwu is at Daniel’s concert. 

After taking a short burst of successive photos, Seongwu removes the body of the camera away from his face. Although he loves the way Daniel looks through the lens to him, he will never tire of how Daniel will always look through his very own eyes. 

Perhaps it’s because it makes it seem _concrete_ , that Daniel is very much alive and right there before him. It sounds stupid, but sometimes Seongwu doesn’t even want to blink, in case it’s all just a dream and he reverts back to one of those other gut-wrenching timelines again. 

Seongwu follows the way that Daniel’s proportions shine under the bright spotlight, lithe body bending and twisting in ways that can only be considered an art form, in the guise of a contemporary dance solo. He doesn’t bother to take photos, just preserving it in his mind. 

The moment the music comes to a dramatic end, Daniel lifts his head to stare out into the crowd intently, chest heaving, and Seongwu swears that his gaze seems to pause for the very briefest extra moment on Seongwu himself, their eyes clashing. 

But Seongwu’s heart flatlines once more when Daniel moves on, sweeping over the rest of the faceless crowd. Within him, he knows in this life, he’ll be nothing, no-one special to Daniel, because Daniel as kind as he is, will never give one fan more attention than another.

Seongwu just hopes he’ll have Daniel all to himself next lifetime.

 

 

 

☽

 

 

 

_It’s fucking freezing_ , Seongwu thinks as he trudges through the unseasonable heavy snow that has hit Seoul far too early this year. It’s only the end of November but he’s already wearing the thickest of his coats, two even.

The cold wind nips at his heels as he rushes towards the coffee shop that is situated at the end of the street nearby his apartment. Slipping on the black ice as he rounds the junction, he nearly plants his ass in a puddle. Thankfully, his reflexes save him, and he makes it to his destination. 

Unravelling the chunky scarf that curls around his neck, Seongwu shakes the snowflakes from his hair, although he leaves on the mask he’s wearing to cover the bottom half of his face and lets his eyes scan around the room. 

It's pretty empty, which makes sense because other people are far more intelligent than him and don’t listen to their crazy friends. 

Ah, there _he_ is. 

Seongwu strides to the half hidden corner, to the table that his friend is sitting at, waving madly at him. “Calm down. Why did you even want to meet here? It’s absolutely dismal outside.” He doesn’t even bother to disguise the annoyance that invades his tone as he settles into the sofa chair. 

Jaehwan just bares his teeth at him in a smile before it settles into a pouting of lips. “I need your help with running through lines.” He points at the thick pile of pages bound by a metal clip that is sitting squarely on the table between them. 

Seongwu scowls and stares intently at his friend. “You could have come to mine.” 

Jaehwan laughs easily and answers, “But your place is disgusting. I wouldn’t step foot in it.” 

Seongwu kicks Jaehwan in the shin who promptly yelps in response, and retorts back, “Look who’s talking. Also I haven’t been at home long enough to clean it so it just piled up.” Jaehwan rubs his leg with a look of mock outrage on his face.

It is only then Seongwu lets himself smile at the comfortable bickering which is the basis of their dynamics. He pulls down his mask. Picking up the script to flip through the pages, he asks, “Your new musical?” He looks up to see Jaehwan nodding happily. 

“Congratulations.” Seongwu means it.

Seongwu moves to take a sip of the drink that Jaehwan had so nicely ordered for him already and soon, they begin the practice session. 

He can’t help with the technicalities of vocalization since Jaehwan is far more proficient at singing than him but as an actor who has delivered some spectacular performances (as certain critics have proclaimed), Seongwu knows a thing or two on how to convey or consume emotion at least. 

The hour passes quickly as they systematically go through the heavy dialogue, Seongwu helping Jaehwan refine the delivery of words. They take regular breaks whenever Jaehwan makes his requisite joking quips, eliciting occasional laughs from Seongwu. 

It’s pleasant and relaxing until—

“Ong Seongwu, right?” 

Seongwu freezes, his conversation with Jaehwan halting midway. 

_That voice._

“Daniel, you can’t just do that! Ah, I’m so sorry for interrupting, but my boyfriend here couldn’t resist. We’re honestly big fans of yours.” The words come from one half of a couple standing before them, but Seongwu’s attention is entirely captured by the man next to the one speaking. 

Seongwu immediately feels a sharp stab of jealousy lance right through his body at the way that Daniel has his arm curled around the waist of his partner. He can’t seem to get any words to form and just quirks his head in what he hopes looks like an appropriate nod. 

“I—Thank you.”

Spurred on by Seongwu’s apparent apathy regarding their interruption, Daniel volunteers excitedly, “We’ve watched two of your most recent films, and I really just wanted to let you know that I was completely amazed at the way you acted in Memoirs of the Moon—” 

Daniel’s boyfriend interjects to say, “He normally never cries, and you made him cry an entire waterfall and several rivers in that one.” He nudges Daniel, who blushes.

Seongwu is almost happy to hear that, because he wants to say out loud that Daniel has made him cry over and over, and so for once, he’s gleeful for Daniel to finally feel the same. But the words get caught in his throat, as he feels wretched the moment he thinks that. 

Because if any of them have to feel this never-ending pain, Seongwu would gladly do repeatedly, rather than allow Daniel to feel like this. 

Daniel laughs, elbowing the other man’s arm in obvious embarrassment but his eyes never leaves Seongwu’s. Seemingly oblivious to the hurt that Seongwu is currently experiencing, he continues, “Actually, we watched that one at the cinema last New Years and bonded over how good it was, so I guess we have to thank you for getting us together.” 

Daniel in this lifetime is jovial and bright, and looks larger than life. But he also looks completely in love with someone that isn’t Seongwu. 

And that fucking hurts.

Finally managing to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth, Seongwu voices his gratitude softly and holds out his hand for the inevitable handshake. He doesn’t miss the way his skin becomes electrified when it contacts the other male and revels in the fact that Daniel jolts as well. 

“Must be static,” Daniel banters as he retracts it to place his glove on.

“Must be,” Seongwu replies regretfully, almost bitterly. He breathes slowly as he tries not to let his chest seize. “Anyway, thank you for liking my work, I’ll continue to try my hardest.” He stares at the backs of the disappearing couple, now feeling as ice cold as the howling wind outside. 

Just before they leave the cafe, Daniel turns back to give him one last fleeting glance.

Seongwu allows Jaehwan to distract him for the rest of the evening but he is unable to ignore the way that it feel like someone has wrapped a fist around his heart, squeezing right through to the deepest recesses and when they let go, all he is left with is the emptiness and the searing pain.

After that encounter, Seongwu pours himself deeper into acting, sometimes forgetting to take a break or to eat even if his assistant attempts to remind him multiple times. At least if he can’t physically be present in Daniel’s life, he hopes his works will continue to touch the other man.

So he keeps working hard.

Despite success after success, Seongwu can’t bring himself to be with anyone else in this lifetime. He merely sits there in his empty bedroom night after night with only the moonlight for company, counting down the seconds until the next. 

He knows they’ll meet again someday, hopefully. He just sends up a prayer to the celestial forces of fate to do right by him the next time. 

But for the rest of this timeline, Seongwu will continue to fake feeling fine. 

After all, acting is what he does best at.

 

 

 

☽

 

 

 

The day has been a tiring one full of thinly veiled antagonism and biting barbs, but nothing feels as pleasurable as the sharp pain punctuated in his back when Seongwu gets shoved up against the wall, legs wrapped around none other than Kang Daniel. 

“Huh, you really want this don’t you?” Daniel’s voice is smokey and rich like velvet. Seongwu can’t do anything but moan noisily in response. Daniel’s mouth covers his in an effort to soften the cries. It is disguised precaution even though no one is at the office on a Sunday. 

“Shut up. You’re the one that has been staring at me with the fuck me eyes all week,” Seongwu retorts back when he finally comes up for air.

"This is going to breach so many of our company’s rules of conducts," Daniel mutters roughly as he mouths up the column of the neck before him, teeth scraping along prominent tendons. “We could get fired."

Seongwu groans. “It’ll be fine.”

He doesn’t care anymore about the possibilities because Daniel is here in his arms and on his lips.

“Regardless, just so you know, I still detest you,” Daniel grunts out but his actions contradict his harsh words as he palms Seongwu’s ass to carry him over to the desk. The evening sun is beginning to set in the distance, bathing them in hues of orange.

“You can hate me,” Seongwu murmurs onto Daniel’s slick lips before he pulls back to peers into those ever-stirring eyes—except today, he makes out no other emotion except pure wanton lust. He continues, “But you love this.” 

“God, Seongwu, you’re so—” the rest of Daniel’s words get drowned out by the loud keening moan that escapes his mouth when Seongwu repays the favor from before by sucking on the smooth flesh of Daniel’s neck. 

Seongwu enjoys the way a blushing color appears high on Daniel’s cheekbones, and the red violet that brands his throat from his ministrations. _Familiar._

Seongwu enjoys the way that Daniel seems just as affected as he feels. 

“So _what_? Finish your words Daniel,” Seongwu murmurs. Snaking his hands around Daniel’s waist, he pulls their hips flush together, indecently close.

“ _Oh_ —” Daniel hisses out his own choking breath at the contact, before he finally answers back hoarsely, “—I was going to say fucking infuriating.” He doesn’t explain further, just focuses his attention now on unbuttoning Seongwu’s shirt. 

The cool breeze from the air-conditioning makes the hair on his arm stand on end. 

As Seongwu lies splayed out on top of the cool glass of the table, he feels utterly exposed for the minute that Daniel just stares at him, eyes scanning his face, his body. Seongwu then watches as Daniel slowly removes his belt and unzips his pants to allow it to pool at his feet. 

It feels like hours crawl by.

Seongwu lets out an impatient noise. Daniel’s lips transform into a smirk, his initial reluctance all but forgotten now. He makes quick work of removing the rest of their clothes before pulling out both a condom and small lube packet, discarding his wallet onto the ground. 

Seongwu would make a remark about Daniel being far too prepared for a guy that didn’t want anything to do with him, but his tongue is tied.

And Daniel soon guides his cock into Seongwu after prepping him, which makes it hard for him to even _think_ , let alone formulate tangible words. The action is slow and steady. It is everything that their relationship in this lifetime is not. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Daniel grits out. “Christ, Ong, how long has it been?” Daniel’s eyebrow is arched as he hovers over Seongwu, panting heavily. 

Seongwu wants to cry out, _it’s been too long, far too long,_ but before he can reply, Daniel experimentally gyrates his hips in the smallest of movement and Seongwu wants to pass out from the hypersensitivity he feels. He whimpers again when he feels Daniel draw out. 

“Look at me.”

Seongwu’s eyes fly open both at the command and the powerful thrust that fills him. Their bodies fit in the most familiar of ways despite being the closest they’ve come to be in this timeline. Seongwu stares into shining eyes that remind him of every single lifetime that has passed before. 

Everything is hard and fast and brutal now. 

Seongwu squeezes his own eyes shut again and allows his head to loll back limply as he gives in to the tide of pleasure that overcomes him. He writhes in the heat that ignites, white stars bursting and colliding against the back of his eyelids—like a pure supernova explosion.

Daniel’s question breaks the quiet, his voice thick and raspy, “How are you such a perfect fit for me?” before he leans down to capture Seongwu’s words in his mouth again. Reaching down to wrap his hand around the shaft, he slides up to thumb the slit on the tip of Seongwu’s cockhead. 

Seongwu’s spine just _liquefies_ as his orgasm hits him like a punch. Daniel continues to fuck him through the convulsions and he feels disconnected and out of control, as he hears Daniel’s own moans pierce through his free fall. 

A dream.

When Daniel finishes calmly cleaning them up, Seongwu levers himself up on his elbows to watch the other male get dressed in front of him.

“I’m sure you know, we can’t do sentimental or relationships. It’s just bad news,” Daniel states coolly as if Seongwu is just a business deal. He methodically buttons up his black collared shirt. “If we do this again, you need to promise me you can’t fall in love with me.” 

Hearing this, Seongwu’s heart seizes—it _aches_ , because it is centuries too late for that. For, in every lifetime, whether he’s died by his hands, or whether they’ve simply held hands, Seongwu has loved Daniel. And, Seongwu will always love Daniel. 

But today, Seongwu just tries to get his heart to calm down from the rush, making a show of picking idly at the crushed legal pad on the table beneath him. Attempting to force a sneer on his face, he replies lethargically, “Don’t worry Kang, you were good, but not _that_ good.” 

Daniel grins devilishly as he parries back lightly, “Don’t lie to me Ong. You know I’m the best you’ve ever had.” He doesn’t wait for a reply, turning to tighten the tie back around his neck, and Seongwu feels the same strangling noose around his.

Seongwu will do anything to have Daniel by his side, even if it does mean lying. 

By day, they will remain rivals in the workplace, and they will continue to only ever meet at night, not allowing anyone to know their indulgence. 

As the sun dips back under the horizon each time, and the room plunges into darkness, the same darkness wraps its way around Seongwu and Daniel. Tight and almost suffocating, but so, so very warm. 

This is their only comfort in this life time.

 

 

 

☽

 

 

 

Guns are all but an extension of their arms again in this lifetime but this time instead of pointing at each other, it’s levelled straight at the crooks of the land. However they don’t work as spies for the government anymore, rather adopting the term runaways instead.

The mess had initially started with just one phone call, causing all of their year long preparations for the project aptly dubbed ‘Moonlight’ to fall directly to the wayside before they could even get a quarter way through it. 

The National Intelligence Service had dumped them unceremoniously: double burn notices, the mechanical recorded voice had stated coldly in Seongwu’s ear when he had received the call a week ago, lying in bed next to Daniel. 

Before they knew it, all their credit cards were cut, and every single law enforcement officer was out to arrest them.

Something must have gone terribly wrong for their covers to be blown and their personnel files to be plastered all over the European newspapers and media. Their senior handler Jisung would never have willingly betrayed them like that. 

Seemed fitting then, for them to be standing there under the hot blazing sun facing the consequences with no resources and no backup. 

Just the two of them against the world.

Daniel’s breathing syncs with Seongwu’s, deep and languid.

They had been supposed to leave Bratislava for Prague in the calm of the night but hours later, now at high noon, they were still unfortunately stuck here in this hell hole, no thanks to Seongwu. 

“I seem to come up with the best fucking ideas,” Seongwu mutters sarcastically as he allows his eyes to narrow, taking in the numerous suits slowly advancing on them. He calculates coolly, eight or nine, perhaps they’ll take a bullet or two but they’ve been through far worse before. 

A slow whistle pierces his ears. Within his peripheral vision, Seongwu sees his partner in both life and death take in the same but different view next to him. The light words then come, “Should have known better to listen to you, given how many years we’ve worked together.” 

“Please, like your ideas would have been any better.” 

A noise of agreement. “Eh, fair point.” 

Seongwu squints again at the dark shadows that are descending quickly like starving vultures preying on their meal. _Fuck_ , there’s way more attacking men than he initially thought, but he gives away nothing lest to betray his sudden anxiety to Daniel. 

The mirage of heat waves emanating off the ground slowly entrance him. 

Shaking his head, Seongwu squashes down all pessimism and begins as cockily as he can, “You know, we could practically call this our anniversary present.” A brave front as always. And it works, when he sees Daniel gazing back at him with a smile on his lips and devotion in his eyes.

In one smooth movement, they both draw out their pistols simultaneously. 

“I don’t really think is the time for jokes and anyway, I’m not letting you get out of buying me dinner tonight so you better not die on me today,” comes Daniel’s answer as he easily pulls back the top of the slide, before it snaps forward, cambering a round from the loaded magazine.

Seongwu laughs in reply, letting happiness roll through him like a slow and calm wave to overtake the dread pumping through his veins.

Daniel grins, brilliant and blinding. “You’ve got my back?”

Seongwu answers without any hesitation, “Always.” 

 

 

 

☽

 

 

 

When Seongwu lives, Daniel dies. 

When Daniel lives, Seongwu dies. 

In the lives they do have together, Seongwu somehow still fucks up and loses Daniel. It’s a never-ending cycle that continues to repeat on itself, timeline after timeline after timeline. 

And Seongwu has no idea how to fix it. 

“Please,” Seongwu shouts up into the inky sky desperately. “Whoever you are, can we please—just end this already?” He can hear his voice crack, but he just lets out another broken cry of frustration. He’s alone again in this life, and he’s so goddamn tired of all this bullshit. 

He’s not sure how much more he can take; there’s really only so much before it comes to a breaking point of a human being and, well he’s here—ready to give everything up. 

The offending moon before him burns into his eyes, and Seongwu wishes he could climb into the sky to tear it down. Daniel’s words from their first life spring back into his mind—to always remember him, and sometimes, Seongwu would rather the opposite instead. 

It is of no comfort any longer, especially not in this life where Daniel probably doesn’t exist in the same plane as him and definitely not in the other lives, where even when they are under the same blanket of stars, Daniel is too still far out of Seongwu’s grasp.

But with his vision blurry, and filled with tears, Seongwu never fails to regret wanting to scrub every single memory of Daniel from his mind because, how can he not cherish the way that he has been able to love every single one of Daniel—no matter if the other doesn’t love him back? 

“I just—” Seongwu whispers weakly, a choked sob erupting from his throat. “Whether we’re together or not, I just want our _real_ happy ending.”

He falls to his knees, uncaring of the way dirt will streak his pants. 

Because all he does now is beg again, over and over and over and hope that perhaps, maybe the universe will _finally_ listen to him. 

 

 

 

☽

 

  

 

> **Ah, but I don’t blame you; I’ll never burn as brilliantly as you. It’s only fair to chase you across ten, twenty-five, a hundred lifetimes until I find the one where you’ll return to me.**

 

And perhaps the universe does take into account his measly wishes, because strangely, Seongwu has barely any time to even _think_ about the possibility of meeting Daniel in this lifetime. 

Ever since childhood, he’s been filled with an encompassing want, to share himself with more than just the people around him. As a young boy, he stares at the idols and the actors on his television set, and informs his mother that he wants to be an artist just like them one day. 

The overwhelming restlessness permeates his bones and Seongwu can’t seem to sit still. 

His parents end up relenting, after his numerous pestering episodes to allow him to go to the local dance academy instead of piano lessons. The culminating decision had followed his very short trial with his sister’s teacher, resulting in scolding and red knuckles. 

It’s here at the underground studio instead, in which Seongwu first begins to accept himself—accept that he wants to nurture a dream that has been sitting inside him for eons, something that he had obviously been pushing aside. 

It’s where he slowly falls in love with the way he can control his limbs and coax them into creating artful lines. He has never thought of his own self as beautiful before, but when he replays the videos that his mentor takes, he can’t help but picture the person that could fall in love with him. 

That _had_ fallen in love with him.

The thought is all but a quick wisp that vanishes as fast as it appears. 

He’s danced in the past, but nothing feels quite like the same as it does in this timeline. 

Seongwu soon joins a crew of his own and continues to focus more on competitions and practicing routines rather than studying for his upcoming exams. Somehow, he still manages to pass, perhaps a bonus of being enrolled at a performing arts high school, but the days remain tedious and he struggles through a contract that he had been unwittingly forced into signing. 

Centuries of life experiences and he still makes the same mistakes. 

He doesn’t think of the idea of love or of Daniel again until the day he arrives at the MNET studios for Produce 101. 

Seongwu had watched the first season and although knowing how much a life can change through this programme with the aim of creating the first male group chosen by the nation, he didn’t want to be placed in a position to be exposed and ripped apart. 

Therefore he’d said no the first time he was asked to participate and it took several extensive meetings until his company had worn him down. 

But even before the survival show can really officially start, the minute he steps onto the stage, in front of hundreds of eyes, Seongwu finds himself making a promise _to himself_ , that he won’t ever regret this decision that he’s settled on.

Because it’s _his_ , for himself. 

And good thing, because it’s also here when he first feels the tugging in his chest, the same one as always, and his field of vision reflexively narrows directly to the one that has forever held his attention, no matter when or where they were. 

The trainee’s hair is a vibrant bubblegum pink this time around, so noticeable amongst the crowd of other males, and a contented smile stretches wide across Seongwu’s face at the sight. 

Despite all that he might pretend—those endless nights where he so believed he could just simply forget Daniel, or contemplate purposefully ignoring Daniel, Seongwu knows it’s inevitable that both their threads would always lead back to each other again. 

Maybe they’ll be best friends, or maybe they’ll be fierce rivals, but either way, in this one lifetime, Ong Seongwu meets Kang Daniel and they stand side by side, both as trainees and equals, arms outstretched finally reaching for the same dreams, together. 

 

 

 

Seongwu runs a hand through his hair. 

He’s fast becoming more stressed and overwhelmed as he reminisces, allowing the waves of deja vu to repeatedly wash over him. With every passing day, he had continued to wonder what the catch of this lifetime was—when all of this good luck was going to run out. 

Being in Wanna One has been a dream come true.

Being right by Daniel’s side, his other dream. 

Intertwined together, it was something he never thought possible, and tonight, it seems almost as if the inevitable that he was waiting for, is here.  

Especially on the night of disbandment, this was not how he wanted to part. 

In their shared room, Daniel is swivelling back and forth on the desk chair in front of him with his ipad in hand, chewing his bottom lip. A nervous energy pours forth from him, and it’s completely scary—Daniel not usually the type to be so wary or afraid. 

That’s Seongwu’s job.

“This one has blown up a lot bigger than I thought it would,” Daniel mutters, breaking the silence of the room, before he lets out a long whoosh of breath. “God, I can’t believe they all think we’re dating or something. It’s just really ridiculous isn’t it, the way they assume shit?” 

Seongwu’s unsure how to interpret Daniel’s reaction, unwilling to look into the depths of it because he can already see the way that Daniel seems jumpy, eyes unwilling to meet his, as if he can’t even fathom the idea of _them_ in that way.

He knew it was coming. Because it never lasts, of course. 

It frustrates Seongwu right down to his core because he had so pathetically clung on to that tiny thread of hope that had re-emerged again when he first saw Daniel in the studio after so long, thinking that this lifetime was going to be the game changer.

That Daniel would _finally_ remember him. 

But with cold water splashing down his back now, Seongwu gets the harsh hint and more. 

He’s been here before though, he should know how he to respond—or not respond for that matter, so he just shrugs, not really answering Daniel and looks back down at his phone, continuing to scanning the mountains of comments. 

There’s a lot of good, but a lot of negative ones too. 

Fan-service has always been an important part of being an idol, but Daniel and him… they’ve never felt the need to pour it on, or to fake something just for the sake of it. This time, fans had somehow unearthed a set of photos of the pair of them out together outside schedules. 

They’re grainy and taken from afar, but there’s no questioning that it’s them. The both of them look intimate, standing with their heads close to each other, and they’re deep in laughter. Seongwu can barely even recall the conversation now, but he remembers just how _nice_ it had been for them both to spend time together outside of work, without any of the pressures of their current lifestyle. 

But now staring at even just one hate message, Seongwu loathes it—loathes the way that it makes him feel so affected, the way it has tainted an innocent memory that he has with Daniel. And most of all, how it reminds him of their first ever life with each other. 

Seongwu’s heart burns as he recalls the time where he had denied his other half once before, and was too ashamed of him and his own love for him. He casts his mind back to how utterly stupid he had been to have so easily given up such a beautiful opportunity.

Especially now after having suffered through an eternity of “almost”. 

As he tries to make sense of those thoughts swirling around his brain, Seongwu is suddenly overcome with a moment of clarity, as if the hazy cloud lifts—to realize that if he’s learnt anything through the centuries, it’s that he absolutely doesn’t care anymore.

Doesn’t care that despite the risks and the potential consequences especially posed in this one lifetime, Seongwu now possesses the crystal clear knowledge that from now, he will forever want to proclaim that Ong Seongwu will always be wholeheartedly in love with Kang Daniel. 

An opposite to the first life they shared together. 

And with that, something just clicks within him. 

Seongwu tucks his phone away, and moves to get up in front of Daniel who is still stabbing his index at the ipad, flipping through the collection of photos and scores of articles. A pitting feeling gnaws away in Seongwu’s stomach as he spins Daniel around to face him directly. 

This is something he has to do, something that he can’t run away from. 

Grabbing the younger man's hand in his, Seongwu squeezes down tightly which elicits a small jump response. There’s questioning in Daniel’s eyes now especially because Seongwu can feel the tears that he tried so hard to hold back, begin to collect. 

“Don’t—” Seongwu forges on with a clearing of his throat. “Don’t worry about what the others are saying. I also don’t need to know what you’re thinking when it comes to this issue, _us_ , but… I just want you to know that no matter what, I’ll always be by your side, alright?” 

For a moment, the force of Daniel’s gaze is almost bone-meltingly intense and Seongwu barely has time to decipher the emotions that he can see flash across the other’s face before the frown lines on Daniel’s forehead relaxes and Seongwu wonders if he is imagining things.

“Hyung.” Daniel chuckles lightly as he cocks his head. “Wait, did you think I was embarrassed for other people to see us in such a manner?”

Seongwu feels the hand in his move to intertwine their fingers together. He looks down once at the way Daniel’s hand envelopes his, and then looks back up. The warmth still emanates from the way they are connected. “Well, you did just say that it was a ridiculous thought, didn’t you?” 

Seongwu wouldn’t be surprised if the universe wanted to fuck him over one more time. Karma returning to bite his ass. 

But maybe—

Daniel blinks, once, twice. He exclaims, “What? No, I’m just worried about you! I didn’t want things to become weird between us, because I know how private a person you are and fans speculating about us dating obviously falls into the realm of too personal.” 

There is another short pause of silence after Daniel’s spiel, with their timed breathing the only sound permeating through the room.

Daniel’s thumb is absently stroking the back of Seongwu’s hand and it gives him the courage to continue.

“Right. So, you’re saying that you wouldn’t mind the thought of us together then? Like that?” Seongwu broaches, though he ensures to keep his tone nonchalant, casual, like a joke. It’s far easier to brush off this way, if he doesn’t receive the answer he wants. 

The enigmatic expression returns, but Daniel being Daniel merely just answers playfully, “Please, you’re the best catch out there hyung. And if anything, you’re way too good for me.” 

Seongwu shakes his head. _That will never be true._ “Niel-ah, don’t put yourself down like that.” He disentangles their fingers from each other and already, he misses the comforting heat. Turning back around to move towards the bed, he murmurs softly, “Anyway, we’re good for each other.” 

Seongwu doesn’t think that Daniel hears it, because he doesn’t give any clear indication for a minute until—

“You’re so cheesy, hyung. If it were anyone else, I would think it was a confession.” 

Seongwu lets himself fall down onto Daniel’s bunk, too tired to climb up to his own. The familiar smell of the other male envelopes him as he closes his eyes. Sweet, spicy, a touch of peaches—it’s all Daniel. It’s a wonder he can miss a person, even when they are just across the room. 

“And what if it is?” Seongwu’s heart beats rapidly when he lets himself blurt out the sentence that will change the entire nature of their relationship.

There’s no answer from Daniel and so he drags himself up to prop onto his elbow in order to lie on his side, to look at Daniel.

“I— _what_?” Daniel finally yelps out, staring back at him like he’s sprouted five heads. 

Seongwu laughs, a little tiredly. “It’s true. I’ve been in love with you for forever.” _Literally._ “I know this is probably coming as a big shock, especially with us separating tomorrow, but I just—needed you to know. I like you a lot—probably too much and I don’t care if anyone else finds out, so this—” he waves a hand at the pictures on the iPad, “—truthfully, I’m happy because I want the entire world to know. But if you don’t feel the same way, it’s absolutely fine. I don’t want to pressure you.” 

“This—isn’t a joke? You’re actually serious?” 

“I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life.” 

Daniel licks his lips. Bites down on the bottom one. “I don’t think I expected this at all.” There’s a careful hesitation to his tone, like he’s holding back something. The seconds tick by before Daniel continues, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but can I—have some time? To think about it?” 

It doesn’t matter that Daniel hasn’t said yes ( _yet)_. Seongwu still feels lighter—as if he’s done everything possible anyway, so he just smiles genuinely. 

“Of course.” 

_For Daniel? He has all the time in the world._

 

 

 

 

It’s Spring 2019. 

Seongwu is back at Seoul Station where it all began. 

It’s where they had their first time—when Seongwu had picked Daniel up on their rest days during the run of Produce 101—the first time in this lifetime they had opened up to each other.

After having been notified of Daniel’s surprising early return ahead of normal schedule, Seongwu had volunteered to feed and drive Daniel home tonight after the other idol's gruelling commitments back in his hometown of Busan, in an effort to have some time with the popular male idol. 

They've both continued to be busy, immersed in their own individual activities even after Wanna One ended, but Seongwu feels far emptier because he doesn't even have the stolen moments at the dorm to laugh over stupid spongebob memes with Daniel, or the nights where he curled up beside Daniel when he was too tired to climb up to his own bunk bed.

They also haven’t spoken about the confession since that one night, and Seongwu has come to the conclusion that this isn’t going to be quite the lifetime he’s been holding out for, but it doesn’t matter because as always, at least he still has Daniel as a friend. 

It could have been far worse. 

Looking down at his watch back in the present, Seongwu figures it’s about time. 

He’s leant up against his car door when he soon feels both the background heartache but also the swelling of excitement as he spots his favorite man appear at the top of the stairs. Daniel shouts a quick goodbye over his shoulder to his manager as they part ways and runs towards him.

Coming to a sharp halt right in front of Seongwu, Daniel exhales in place of a greeting, “I’ve missed you so damn much.” 

Despite the late hour, there are countless of people rushing past them, eager to head home for the night, and cars zoom up and down the road, but all Seongwu can do, again, is hone in on the person standing right before him.

No one pays attention to the two simple men standing there facing each other on the pavement.

They are both dressed in the most innocuous sets of basic clothing—Daniel wearing both a cap and a face mask to hide himself, a hard trick when he’s still the nation’s son, but thankfully there doesn’t seem to be any cameras lurking around since he arrived ahead of schedule. 

“Me too. Three months is a long time when your best friend is too busy to talk on the phone,” Seongwu complains playfully as he wraps Daniel in the tightest of hugs. It’s like two puzzle pieces, the way their bodies time and time again slot so easily against each other. “I also almost thought you were completely scared off after I pretty much just bared my heart to you.”

Seongwu notices Daniel’s expression becomes solemn when he disentangles himself, so he immediately adds in an attempt to placate, “You know I don’t expect an answer right? Just don’t treat me any differently. I’m also happy that you’ve been so in demand. Really.”

Daniel looks around before pulling down the mask so to expose his lips, and takes the cap off his head. And even though he would never say no to seeing that lovely, lovely face, Seongwu cocks his head questioningly, wondering what Daniel is doing. 

The night seems quieter now.

“No,” Daniel begins probingly, searching Seongwu’s face with his unyielding eyes, making his stomach somersault. “I’m not upset, far from that. I just meant that I’ve missed you more than months worth. You…could even say decades and centuries worth.”

Daniel just stares back at him with a strange glint in his eye, and in that moment Seongwu’s heart almost skips a beat, and his chest tightens with desire. 

Desire for the inconceivable.

Seongwu’s head spins as he struggles to breathe. 

But because Seongwu doesn’t want to jump to conclusions—having had enough of heartbreak to know better than that, he plays it cool, attempting to humor Daniel despite the strong aching that overwhelms him. He teases, “That’s a lot of missing. I would miss me that much too.” 

“Hey, I’m not kidding.” Daniel’s hands come to fist Seongwu’s shirt, bunching up the fabric tightly. “I’m also really sorry that I never gave you an answer about your feelings towards me that day. I was just—I needed to get my head around the fact—“ 

“No, no, it’s fine,” Seongwu interrupts. “Like I said, you didn’t need to give me an answer.” 

Daniel inhales. “Look, I wanted to do this in person because you deserved better and that’s why I didn’t call recently. I wanted to be sure.” 

Seongwu’s heart skitters so fast now that it could just leap from his chest. “Be sure of _what_?”

“You see, ever since Produce 101—ever since meeting you, I was slowly bombarded by these little snapshot moments. But I thought it was just my brain being crazy, you know—the product of insomnia.” Daniel’s eyes are shining under the moon lit night. “I couldn’t help but be drawn to you, and the night that you confessed to me, I thought it was impossible, that you would like _me._ I was worried that it was just because we were cooped up together for so long, so I wanted to take the time away to make sure that I liked you for you. And I hope it’s still the same for you.”

“Daniel—of course, I still feel exactly the same.” 

“Good, because it’s become so, so clear in these few months I’ve been away from you. I don’t know what happened but I think your confession triggered something, because suddenly I remember _everything_.”

“What… do you mean by everything?”

Everything is within grasp, they are _so_ close now.

Daniel’s palms lift up to cup around Seongwu’s jaw, the most tender of expression stamped on his face. It’s feels just like the first time he did it, bringing forth the waves of nostalgia from all of those timelines that Seongwu was blessed with Daniel’s care first hand.

“I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you in our previous lifetimes. But I remember you now—the first you, the last you, and just every single you,” Daniel finishes in a heady rush of words. 

Seongwu can barely move, he’s rooted into the cement. 

He closes his eyes, breathes out—a shuddering exhalation that empties his lungs.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?” Seongwu hears the careful question from Daniel amidst the roaring in his ears. 

A clear voice in the maelstrom of emotions. 

Seongwu leans forward to touch his forehead to Daniel’s in a tender gesture, as always reduced to an entire wordless mess in Daniel’s presence. 

The smell of peaches wraps around him.

“You—you remember every single life?” Seongwu has to clarify. He feels the nodding as he buries his fingers through the thick strands of gold. Seongwu can't help the tears that well quickly, and he can vaguely hear the choked sobbing that erupts from his lips. “God, it’s been so long.”

Daniel is quiet for a moment just holding Seongwu in his arms before he laughs softly in the characteristic way that he does in moments that aren’t even funny. “Silly Seongwu hyung. Why are you even crying?” He thumbs away the wetness coating Seongwu’s cheeks, whispering, “You said you would find me again and now you have.” 

Seongwu immediately crumbles, but Daniel is right there to give him strength. The distance between their lips disappears and all the pain in the past that Seongwu’s felt over the centuries becomes worth it as they share in an all consuming kiss. 

Every single crevice and crack within Seongwu’s heart fills to the brim with unadulterated and pure happiness at the confirmation that Kang Daniel— _Euigeon_ , at long last remembers who he is.

The kiss they share here in the present, firstly communicates forgiveness and is an apology for all of the past anger and frustrations. It's also a soothing balm for every previous missed opportunity, and it perfectly encapsulates every “I love you” that wasn’t able to be said.

And lastly, the kiss represents infinity. 

Infinity with Daniel.

It feels utterly wonderful, because although they’ve known each other for several years in this time line, there’s a sense of fulfilment that comforts Seongwu, the same one where it feels like you’re encountering a person who you’ve been searching for _years_ and you know you’ll never let go _—_

After every lifetime he’s had to embrace and endure, Seongwu has found his way back to Daniel. 

Seongwu has finally found his way back home. 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> quick note; the poem referenced is actually one that ong has posted in the fancafe called "Blue Night” by 나희덕. 
> 
> so, this was a journey that i've always wanted to write: their encompassing love for each other, told mainly through seongwu's eyes. i'm sorry i had to kill them so many times, things just _had_ to happen [finger guns]. but hope you enjoyed this regardless ! 
> 
> thank you to H, for being there for me and reading the garbage draft and helping me so much in making this semi-readable and listening to my woes. see you in our next lives. big thank you to the mods for organizing such a wonderful fest, thank you to the prompter (i hope i didn't deviate too far from your lovely prompt), and to you, reader, for getting this far. you're a star.


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